


Perfect Attendance

by periwren



Category: Real Person Fiction, Sander Sides, Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Roman's Birthday Party, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-04-24 21:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19181605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/periwren/pseuds/periwren
Summary: After struggling to think of a decent gift to give Roman for his birthday Logan finally comes up with an idea. However he feels very conflicted about it but in the end decides to go ahead with it because it's Roman's birthday and he should do whatever he can to make sure Roman has the best birthday possible.So Logan pretends to be sick to avoid Roman's party.The best gift Logan can give Princey is to not spoil anything by not being there at all.





	1. Execute Plan

Logan shifted and fluffed the pillows stacked up behind him to try and find a comfortable position. Leaning back into them he once again picked up his book and attempted to read. But after a minute of just blankly staring at the page, he sighed and decided to give up. He laced his fingers and rested them over his chest and looked up at the ceiling at the constellations he had stuck to the roof.

His stomach squirmed uncomfortably. At least it wasn’t a complete lie when I told Patton I wasn’t feeling well, thought Logan. But he knew that his upset stomach had nothing to do will illness or something he ate.

He had an upset stomach because he wasn’t sure he was doing was the right thing. And he hated the uncertainty of not knowing something. Or maybe it was just guilt?

Logan tossed and turned in his bed trying to push these thoughts aside. Maybe it wasn’t the “right” thing, but it was for the best. It would make Princey happy. The best birthday present Logic could give Creativity was to be absent from his birthday party.

He had said so himself. Alright, to be fair, Roman had said that during one of their (many) spats but the idea had stuck in Logan’s mind ever since.

Logan had been struggling to think of an appropriate gift to give Roman for awhile now, the problem being he was having trouble thinking of something Roman would actually want that a, Patton/Virgil/Thomas/Deceit? wouldn’t also give him, something that he couldn’t just conjure from imagination and something he would like (Logan had a tendency to give practical gifts and Princey was anything but practical).

Obviously, Logan had gotten Roman another gift and had left that downstairs that Roman could open with the other’s, but he hadn’t told anyone about his “real” gift plan. Maybe he would tell them later. He couldn’t tell the others now because Patton would probably throw a fit – he always going on about how they are a family and they have to be together and they have to work through all issues together etc.

Patton may have stopped Logan from leaving the “Learning New Things about Ourselves” video – but him staying there didn’t actually help Thomas solve his dilemma, in fact Logan believed his entire presence for that video just made everything worse. When he left the “Nostalgia” video the others solved the issue without him. They didn’t need him. Princey’s birthday party didn’t need him. He would just be – hang on – he had a vocab card for this – ah yes, he would be a wet blanket.  

Of course he had done the right thing by helping the others set up the party decorations and the food and the glitter. There was so much glitter. Logan suspected that they would never get it out of the carpet – see he was already being a wet blanket and the party hadn’t even started. Roman would love the glitter and that was the important part.

During the set-up Logan had excused himself several times pretending he needed to go to the bathroom thus making the ruse that he had an upset stomach believable when he finally approached the others stating he was unwell and didn’t think he would remain for the party. Patton wanted to fuss over Logan when he went up to his room, but the guest of honour was arriving soon and Logan had assured Patton that he would just lie down for a bit and come back down when his stomach had settled.  

Downstairs he heard a shout of “Surprise!” and knew there was no going back now. Logan shook his head – stop overthinking this, this is going to make Roman happy, he gets a great party without you to spoil it, so stop feeling guilty. In fact, stop feeling anything you are Logic!

Logan rolled over in his bed and stuffed a pillow over his head to drown out the noise as party music started playing.


	2. The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan is still overthinking everything when he gets a visitor.  
> It's not who he was expecting.

Logan fidgeted nervously. He wondered if he had waited long enough for the party to be almost finished and it was safe for him to go down to the living room. It certainly was much quieter now. The loud music and laughter had died down. But nobody had come upstairs so whatever was happing downstairs right now, all of them were still together.

Logan didn’t want to go down there and make things awkward if they were still having fun. Maybe he could just pop down and see what they were doing and quickly excuse himself if needed. Say he thought he was alright but then get some sudden stomach cramps. Yes that sounded like an affirmative course of action, he thought, getting up.

He was about half way across the room when he started second guessing himself. You know what, it wouldn’t hurt to wait maybe another hour or so, just to make sure. I’ve done so well making sure I stay out of the others way so they can have a good party, why risk spoiling it now?

Logan got back into bed and snuggled up tightly, yes, I’ll just stay up here, everyone will be happy. They may not know that I’m deliberately staying away but it’s the only way. I’m not fun or exciting or even that nice – how can I make anyone happy. I don’t know how to make people happy. I-I don’t feel happy. I don’t understand.

Logan screwed up his eyes. He didn’t understand – why did he feel like crying right now? Why did thinking about the others make him react like this? It wasn’t the first time they had done something all together without him – like that courtroom scenario. Logan should feel relieved that he had some personal space right now. So why did he feel like this?

Why did thinking about the fact everyone is happy when he’s not there make him feel like this? His absence allows for others enjoyment – that is a fact. Why should that fact have any bearing on his emotional state?

There was a knock at his door. Logan jumped. He quickly rubbed his eyes – it’s fine, any puffiness or redness can be explained away by the fact that I am supposedly ill – yes intense stomach pains- that’s what made my eyes water. Logan got up to open his bedroom door, then quickly got back into bed because he was feigning illness, so he shouldn’t be getting up.

“Come in.” he called. He was expecting Patton because of course the sweet fatherly side would check on him to make sure he was okay.

He was not expecting the birthday boy himself. Holding a slice of birthday cake no less.

Roman came in, closed the door and placed the cake on the bedside table. Logan felt nervous – Roman didn’t look that happy – especially considering it was his birthday and he was meant to be the center of attention at his party.

“Happy Birthday Roman.”

“Thank you.” replied Roman sitting on the edge of Logan’s bed. He looked at Logan with a deep penetrating stare, “ So… how are you feeling?”

“Oh. Well um I am feeling… a-a bit better than before but -hang on- I have a vocab card for this – ah yes, I am still feeling a bit under the weather.”

Roman just looked at him. Logan adjusted his glasses nervously, something was wrong. Princey was so-so _subdued_ which was completely unlike him.  And why was he up here? Why wasn’t he downstairs enjoying his party? Why was he _bringing_ Logan some of his cake?

“Um Roman is everything alright?”

“So… we cut the cake and everything. And then I opened all of my presents. And you know how carefully I open my presents –”

Logan nodded – unlike Patton who tears into wrapping paper like a rottweiler into a steak, Roman carefully opens each package and keeps the paper to recycle again in his scrapbooking or as decorations or an arts and craft project.

“And I when I opened yours – thank you for the vanity mirror and massage gift certificate by the way- I found this inside it.”

Roman holds up a list. Logan bolts upright and grabs it “My shopping list!” – he had spent all morning looking for this! He had made a shopping list for all the foods needed for the party – everything from snacks, to drinks, to baking ingredients Patton needed for his cakes – to make sure they got everything and then when he needed it, the list had vanished!

“You accidently wrapped it inside with my present – I asked Patton if he knew what it was and he said you were so stressed that you had misplaced it this morning and even more upset when you guys came home and realized you had forgotten some things.”

Logan nodded it had been stressful when they got home and realized they had forgotten chocolate chips for the cookies and corn chips for the nachos. Logan couldn’t believe he had been so silly to wrap this up inside Roman’s gift.

Roman looked sadly at Logan, he slowly pulled out another list.

“This one was also wrapped inside as well, because the others were distracted with the shopping list and checking it to see what else they had forgotten they didn’t see this one. I didn’t show it to them after I read it.”

Logan took the second list. It was his list of potential gift ideas he had been brainstorming for Princey. It was very rough because it was so long with notes written over the top – such as “Virgil is getting something similar” or “Already owns five of these”

Logan felt his heart stop as he scanned the list and realized he had put on it, smack bang between “Do his laundry for a week” and “Write him a poem”: **_Don’t go to his birthday party._**

Logan swallowed nervously, he couldn’t think of anything to say, he couldn’t deny it – the list was in his handwriting, wrapped inside his present and on the list next to vanity mirror, massage gift certificate and don’t go to his birthday party, he had marked them each off with a neat little tick.

“I told Patton that I wanted to give you some cake and say thank you for your present… Logan… did-did you lie and say you were sick so you wouldn’t be at my party?” asked Roman his eyes welling up with tears.

 


	3. Plan Broken down. Step by step.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan has to explain his plan.

Logan started breathing heavily as he looked into Roman’s eyes as they glistened with tears.

No! This wasn’t how the plan was meant to go at all, he thought desperately.

“No.” he answered far too quickly.

“No?” repeated Roman making it a question but at the same time his tone made his disbelief obvious. He waited patiently for Logan to elaborate.

Logan couldn’t take it. He didn’t like it how Roman was looking at him, how he was so silly to wrap those lists inside his presents, how his plan was falling apart. Logan jumped up out of bed and started pacing around the room.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Looking like that. It’s your birthday. You’re supposed to be happy. I was just trying to make you happy –” Logan started babbling as he agitatedly pulled at his necktie and collar that had become way too tight.

Their behaviours seemed be on a seesaw the more serious, quite and controlled Roman was, made Logan more animated and erratic in his movements, his pacing became faster.

“The plan was to make you happy – it was going to make everyone happy – it was -it was”

“Logan!”

“Please – _please_ don’t tell the others, just pretend you didn’t see that list  - I can’t believe how stupid I was to wrap it up-”

“Logan, enough!” said Roman firmly standing up and grabbing Logan on the arm to stop his pacing, “Logan – listen to me. I-I'm _sorry_ okay? I didn’t mean that when I said it in our argument the other day. I didn’t mean for you take it seriously. I mean – _you_ said you if the moon was hospitable you’d live there to get some space from me, did you mean that? Wait – don’t answer that. But what I’m saying is I _do_ want you at my birthday.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes I do.”

“You- you -I – it’s just- No! You don’t. Not really – I would diminish your fun. I would-”

“Logan you wouldn’t-”

“Were you having fun before you saw that list?” asked Logan bluntly. It was the same forcefulness that Deceit had used when he asked Thomas, “Do you want the part or not?” It momentarily caused Roman to become speechless. Logan already knew the answer.

“Were you having fun at your birthday party before you saw that list? Has everyone else been enjoying themselves? Did-did you even think to come up here before you saw that?”

Roman flushed, his pale skin becoming a cute bright pink hue.

Logan wrapped his arms around himself as if he was suddenly cold, “You have been having a great birthday – you had fun and-”

Roman interrupted angrily, _“I-I wasn’t having fun because you weren’t there Logan!_ ”

“But if I was there it would have been less enjoyable.”

“That-that’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. You know it. I’m no fun. Like Deceit said I’m Thomas’s stinky poo poo side. If I had been in attendance, I would have done something like try and make everything organised or bossed people around too much or become too obsessed with rules for the games or complained that everything was messy or loud. I would be – hang on- I have a vocab card for this, ah yes, I would be a party pooper.”

Logan sat down on his bed defeated rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

“So, yes – I did lie to Patton and the others saying that I was ill. I know it was wrong but I did it for the right reasons. I just wanted you to have a happy birthday Roman. And for that to happen, I had to be absent. And-and I don’t know why that makes me feel so -so-”

Logan burst into tears. Why was he crying? Why did he feel so upset?

“I don’t understand why I feel so upset.” he sobbed, “I’m sorry. I just wanted you to have a good birthday. I didn’t want this-I-”

Roman quickly hugged the other side tightly, as he sobbed uncontrollably onto his shoulder. Roman understood, even though he didn’t think Logan understood why he was so upset. Roman’s big fear was rejection. And Logan basically had rejected himself and thought that all the others rejected him too, that they would be happier without him.


	4. Abandon Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh... so when I started writing this Roman didn't have a brother. So he got his own birthday party. But now he has a twin brother. So having his own birthday party seems very selfish - oh well, hopefully I have worked it into the story okay for you guys :P

“Shhhh, shhh, it’s okay, shhhh,” murmured Roman quietly as he rubbed Logan’s back and rocked him gently like you would comfort a small child.

“I’m sorry -it’s all my fault – I ruined your birthday-” babbled Logan between sobs.

“Shhh, no, no you didn’t Logan, shhh, it’s alright, just calm down okay, breath. Just breath slowly okay.”

Logan rested his head against Princey’s shoulder as his sobs slowly started to subside. Roman was so warm and comforting to lean against, his strong arms wrapped protectively around him. Logan didn’t get many hugs – his own fault really, he was so standoffish most of the other sides had stopped trying to give him hugs (apart from the odd one from Patton still). Logan didn’t realise how nice being held felt.

“Logan. I _do_ want you at my birthday party.” Roman said quietly into his ear. “I’m sorry I was selfish and didn’t come up here to check on you.”

“Hmmm, of course you-”

“No, I mean it! It’s just that sometimes I just… get so focused on myself when the attention is on me, I forget to pay attention to everyone else. Like when Thomas is on stage; I relish in the audience’s attention and get so wrapped up in my own performance that I forget that my performance is meant to be giving back to the audience.”

Logan paused to ponder that remark. He didn’t really understand a lot of Thomas’s theatre projects, so he wasn’t sure if he got the point.

Roman tried a different tact. “Ahem Logan.”

“Yes?”

“If I was really wanting my birthday party to be “better” by not having someone there – wouldn’t you agree that person would not be you but instead my stupid, stinky dumb dookie brother?”

“Um well –”

“But Remus is downstairs, isn’t he? Being stupid and stinky as always and not kicking up a fuss that you guys are throwing _me_ a party and not one for him.”

“Well… we all agreed that since you were born at midnight, you would have your birthday one day and he would have it the next so-”

“Logan – I’m happy my brother is attending.”

“You-you are?”

“Yes, even if he is the closest thing possible to a literal human piece of dookie.”

“Oh yuk, Roman people cannot be literally pieces of –”

“So, believe me when I say that I also want a literal Calculator Watch to come downstairs and party too.”

“…you… you’re sure?”

“210%.”

“That percentage of surety is not possible.”

“You are such a Microsoft Nerd.”

“Hmm, I think you missed a call-back to the Microsoft Turd nickname as a follow on from your comments about the parallel between excrement and Remus.”

“ _Oh shoot_.”

“Ha, ha… Roman thank you. I-I _feel_ … better.”

Roman hugged Logan tightly again. Logan liked the warmth that transferred between them.

“C’mon – you know, I think we should ask Patton if we can start the whole party again to catch up on all the things you missed out on.”

“Oh no that’s not necessary or practical –”

“Too bad. When you are the embodiment of Creativity and imagination the temptation to abuse that power is too strong sometimes. Besides you have to see Deceit cheating and beating up the piñata – it’s like Fight Club!”


End file.
